Didn’t Like ‘Em

Here’s a few movies I’ve watched recently that I didn’t much care for and would probably tell people that they’d be better off skipping them – or running away from!

Bad Girls (1994)

Bad Girls 1994 western Madeleine Stowe Andie MacDowell Drew Barrymore Mary Stuart MastersonFour prostitutes (Madeleine Stowe, Mary Stuart Masterson, Andie McDowell and Drew Barrymore) have to stay ahead of the law after their leader Cody (Stowe) guns down a man in cold blood. They need a bunch of cash quickly to disappear into the sunset and hopefully start a peaceful, quiet life for themselves.

Besides a persistent pair of pursuing Pinkerton marshals on their tails, they soon encounter an old outlaw associate of Cody’s who complicates their plans and becomes a major roadblock to their freedom. Now they have to strap on their guns, fight to get their money and prove to all the dastardly cowboys that girl power is kicking in the old west!

Sadly, the ladies are saddled with a predictable story, lame characters and not a single decent action set piece in this infamous bomb that hit theaters. READ MORE

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2006)

Star Wars Rogue One Felicity JonesThe Star Wars universe is treated to another prequel. This time we learn the tale of how those plans for the Death Star are obtained and gotten into the hands of the rebels – resulting in the good movies in the Star Wars franchise.

Felicity Jones is sent on a mission to find her father Mads Mikkelson who is being forced to oversee the construction of the Death Star for the Empire. However, rebel soldier Diego Luna who is helping her is secretly assigned to kill her father.

The story culminates on a tropical planet with a space battle overhead, shooting at stormtroopers on the ground and Jones and Luna scrambling to get the secret plans of the Death Star to send back to the Rebels.

There’s other stuff that happens and other characters, but I don’t really care enough to bother with much more of that. I guess I should say spoilers ahead now. READ MORE

Rat Race (2001)

rat-race-2001-comedy-cuba-gooding-jrA wacky eccentric billionaire offers seven random people the chance to win $2 million dollars. All they have to do is travel from Las Vegas to Silver City, New Mexico, get to a storage locker containing the loot and bam they keep the prize! The rules? There are none. They just have to beat their fellow competitors to the bag and it’s theirs.

Let the mayhem begin!

Rat Race is such a blatant update of the epic comedy It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World it’s almost shameful. I guess they didn’t have the rights to do an official remake, so director David Zucker does the next closest thing. He packs the screen with a plethora of actors whereupon they all run into madcap misadventures traversing the desert locations by any means of travel they can manage and get into zanier and zanier situations. It’s a comedy of escalating errors in the same vein as the ’63 film. READ MORE

Breakout (1975)

Breakout 1975 Charles Bronson Jill IrelandRobert Duvall is framed for a crime by his nefarious uncle John Huston. Duvall is sent to a dirty, violent Mexican prison and his wife Jill Ireland wants to get him out. She hires Charles Bronson to plan and execute a breakout.

Ho-hum standard 1970’s action commences.

Breakout is loosely based on a real prison break that took place in 1971. Knowing there’s some truth behind this story – with the added Hollywood exaggeration and artistic license of course – should have made the movie a bit more exciting to watch.

True story or not the movie ends up quite boring. READ MORE

Kansas City Bomber (1972)

Raquel Welch Kansas City Bomber 1972Roller-derby skater K.C. Carr (Raquel Welch) has just got traded from her team in Kansas City Missouri to Portland Oregon. Now a Portland Logger K.C. not only is taking hits and falls on the track, but she’s finding drama at every turn off of it as well.

She faces animosity by Jackie Burdette (Helena Kallianiotes) who was the star Logger and is now threatened by K.C.’s popularity. Logger owner Burt Henry (Kevin McCarthy) has more than a business interest in K.C. and as they begin to date he begins to show a more ruthless side. Plus, way back in Kansas City K.C.’s two children are missing their mom. Oh what a star roller-derby lady has to contend with!

Kansas City Bomber was the combining of two timely popular things of the period – the sexiest leading lady of the era and the fad of roller-derby that had gripped the country. READ MORE

The Boy Next Door (2015)

The Boy Next Door 2015 Jennifer LopezThis movie is too funny!

Jennifer Lopez is an English teacher and mother who’s estranged from her husband. Ryan Guzman moves in next door and then against her better judgement she has a roll in the hay with the kid.

She realizes what a mistake it was, especially when he goes all Fatal Attraction on her. He harasses her at home, at work, threatens her ex, manipulates her son and gets downright violent. How is Jenny From The Block going to stop this nutty kid. READ MORE

Vacation (2015)

Vacation 2015 comedyThis is a truly terrible movie.

So like every other title that people have a nostalgic affection for and was a popular movie a generation ago, today it needs to get some kind of update. No it’s not a full blown remake this time, it’s a ‘sequel’ that’s meant to ‘reboot’ the Vacation franchise. I guess they’re hoping for future installments of this new Griswold clan going on vacations to various destinations.

If the universe has any mercy it won’t allow that to happen. READ MORE