In case you aren’t aware, Bumble is the latest in 21st century dating. Gone are the days of Match.com or Harmony. Things are all about swiping to the right on those profiles that catch your eye, to the ones that don’t and quickly move onto the next person.
On Bumble women are put in the drivers seat. Guys are left at the mercy of the ladies and have to wait to see if they want to open up a dialogue with them. If both people happen to match with a fellow Bumbler and gave one another the all-important ‘right swipe’, it is the women that get to decide to initiate contact and come up with the opening line.
Men meanwhile have to take the passive role and sit and wait to see if they get a message in their inbox. The tables have turned Gents!
Bumble is one of the most popular dating apps out there. It’s quick and easy to use, which is exactly what you want when you’re trying to meet the love of your life. Fast and simple right? You don’t want to spend more time than absolutely necessary to weed through the population to meet your one and only soulmate!
I signed up to Bumble to see what it was about and to find out if my soul mate was out there hanging out on a boring Sunday afternoon spending her time swiping to find me. Suppose she is! I couldn’t risk not looking for her there! She just might be waiting to see my kisser pop up and have been waiting her whole life to give me a right swipe. You know, that kismet thing we read so much about.
Arriving on Bumble I started perusing through hundreds of profiles of women. It became an endless chorus line of ladies who have decided to invest the time (or at least a few minutes) to create a profile, write a few things about themselves and jump into this technological dating pool.
Very quickly I started to see patterns that emerged in what folks included in their dating profiles. Things that I would see repeated over and over again.
It seems as much as people want to think of themselves as unique and wholly original individuals, typically that doesn’t come across with how they describe themselves in these Bumble dating profiles.
After awhile Bumble profiles would bleed into one another. I would read the same tired descriptions again and again. Profiles would become indistinguishable from the previous twenty I had just seen. It was a rarity when something actually stood out with what someone wrote about themselves.
Along with what was written, the photos people posted to represent themselves had their own set of reliable set of rules that would appear on a consistent basis. It became less of a mission of finding any ‘love of ones life’ than finding a Bumble profile that DID NOT contain some of the capital offenses I started to keep track of.
So here are some pet peeves, annoyances and cliches that I’ve witnessed on my time on Bumble.
“Looking for a partner in crime”
This phrase gets used A LOT! You’d think the app is filled with wannabe bandits looking to knock over a bank.
It’s too blasé sounding if one would say they’re looking to meet someone nice to spend time with, so they have to spice it somehow. ‘A partner in crime’ also makes it sound like kind of dangerous. Like, you’re about to embark on some exciting adventures with this person. They’ll add more dazzle into your life.
I guarantee if you hook up and become partners in crimes with this person you won’t be running from the law, racing down old dusty roads like Bonnie and Clyde and seeing your couple photo on Wanted posters. More likely, you’ll be spending your afternoons with each other being forced to watch Hallmark movies.
When did so many people become ‘fluent in sarcasm’?
No one wants to be around someone who is a stone faced plank of wood who never smiles. A sense of humor always ranks high on everyone’s list of a quality they’re looking for in someone. It ranks so high in fact, I wonder why comedy clubs haven’t become a meat market of singles trying to hook up with someone funny.
So, it’s paramount that you indicate to others that you do indeed possess a sense of humor. A sense of humor is said to be at the top of traits that woman are attracted to. Of course humor is all subjective so what one person might think is hysterical another might find tortuous. My general rule is that if someone thinks Adam Sandler films are the peak of comedy it’s an automatic pass for me.
At some point sarcasm has become the ultimate form of comedy expression and folks are all quite ready to state they’re fluent in it.
It’s kind of tough to accept they’re expertise in someone’s sarcasm when they make this overused statement and the rest of their profile is an ultra serious, broad general description of themselves. It’s one thing to say you’re ‘fluent in sarcasm’ – that’s easy! Anyone can do that. The bigger and more convincing challenge is to express your sense of humor without outright regurgitating a catchphrase from a teens t-shirt.
“I love to laugh”
This is another more extreme offender of the demonstration of a sense of humor. So many people include this bizarre fact bumble should just make it a requirement to include on every profile.
I’m not even sure I understand what it means. Not once during my time on this planet have I encountered anyone who told me they hate to laugh. Not one single time. Isn’t laughter one of those primitive emotions that everyone shares the love of happening? It’s something that is shared by other countries, cultures, peoples. We can all agree that laughing is fun?
Apparently not according to these profiles on Bumble. It’s an important and unique trait to possess that is a rare find.
I’m anxiously awaiting the day when I stumble across a woman who declares that she loves to cry. A woman who loves to get angry would be even better! Now that would be finding a real diamond of a gal!
‘The Oxford Comma Mention’
I’m not sure how, when or why mentioning ones opinion on ‘The Oxford Comma’ became such a required inclusion on dating profiles. My suspicion is that it’s meant to indicate an example of intellect, some goofy ‘sense of humor’ and to make the person feel their they’re hip engaging in a trendy thing.
I have no feelings over whether someone is for or against the ‘Oxford Comma’. Somehow I doubt it will come up in many conversations with your mate. And it’s even more unlikely you’ll be receiving many hand written letters from them they’ll be able to express their feelings over it.
Let’s face it most of your ‘written’ correspondence between each other will be with short texts. I’d wager emoticons will be more vital communication in your relationship than any commas.
“I’m not here for hook ups!”
Unfortunately, women have to waste precious space in the limited real estate they’re given in their Bumble profiles to heed this warning. Sometimes they’ll use the words “games” or “drama. It’s all the same thing. Basically this is meant to indicate to all gents that this woman is not using the app to find disposable one night stands, booty calls or a quick sessions of sex. So if you’re looking for that please don’t waste your time talking to her.
I’m not sure if including this statement heeds off wannabe wandering Romeos from swiping right on these women. Somehow I doubt most guys respect this wish and probably figure “Well, she hasn’t met me yet!”
If Bumble really wanted to help out women in this department they’d make a separate category of profiles for those looking for ‘quick hook ups’ and those who aren’t. It would probably save some time on everyone’s part. Or they could just go join Tinder.
“Living life to the fullest”
This is a very popular phrase I see brandished about quite often. Many women want to declare that they’re “living life to the fullest” or “making the most of each day”. They’re nice sentiments, but again, it’s a phrase that gets so overused it has lost any power to me.
I’m not sure if the activity of sitting drinking some coffee and swiping on Bumble constitutes a ‘living life to the fullest’-type of moment. Let’s be realistic, you can’t always be ‘living life to the fullest’ every minute of the day. Daily life contains a lot of trite meaningless activities that need to be done.
So, if you’re really trying to ‘make the most of each day’ good for you, but there’s still a lot of meaningless nonsense that must be accomplished. When I’m charging my phone, cleaning my cats kitty litter or cleaning the lint trap from the dryer, I can’t say I feel I’m ‘living life to the fullest’ in those moments.
“I like to go out, but sometimes I like to stay in too!”
This is one of my absolute favorites to find in a dating profile. I just never understood this phrase and I see so many people use it, it really makes me question my sanity and wonder what am I missing here.
My theory is by pointing this out it’s meant to convey an fun rounded person who enjoys all types of activities and settings. They can have fun being out on the town all dolled up or just vegging out on a sofa in their sweatpants. So by dating her you would not be limited to being in one type of backdrop where she would be happy and content. She likes different surroundings – both inside and outside!
When you stop and really read this description you start to realize just how plain goofy it sounds. I mean, I could say the same thing about my neighbors dog. Maybe there are people on this rock who solely like to be indoors constantly. And some who just want to live their existence in the wilderness and being surrounded by mother nature their entire lives. I don’t know.
But someone declaring they like both, to my mind is not a mind-blowing revelation about themselves and tells me very little about them. I just figure, they’re just like most people. I suppose, if you’re serving a murder rap in prison, you can’t declare this statement.
My second theory is they just have nothing notable or special to say about themselves and they’re really reaching for anything to write down.
THE PHOTOS
The photos is what’s Bumble is really all about. They’re a huge selling point of attracting an online date. Photos is what I believe 99% of members are using to determine if they give the person a right or left swipe. Well, actually my estimate might be kind of low.
Profile photos have their own set of clichés that you’ll see repeated as you venture into your swiping journey. I’m not sure if those who post these photos realize how popular and overused they are, but rest assured you will see these kind of pictures….many, many times.
When all their pictures are of them amongst a group
Dating has traditionally sort of been done in pairs. Two people are attracted to each other, they get to know each other, they go out and have fun together, get a little kiss with one another. You know the routine. But online dating really starts with that first dazzling eye catching turn when you see someone’s photo and think, “Gee, that’s a very attractive person”.
That gets kind of difficult when the single person whose profile this is has hidden themselves in a group shots with all their friends and don’t indicate which person they are.
What is this? Is this Where’s Waldo and I’m expected to just guess which one they are?
The group photos do offer up the idea that this person is well liked and has friends, so they must be fun to be around on some level. However, when they’re whole gallery consists of these group shots and they don’t have one single photo of just themselves that will help you pinpoint them as the owner of this dating profile it becomes a fruitless endeavor.
I sometimes wonder if women who commit this cardinal role with their photos ever get emails saying, “I don’t know which woman you are in these photos, but if you’re the brunette in the red tank top would you like to grab a drink sometime?”
The notorious group photos is almost as bad as when all the photos they have are of themselves wearing sunglasses.
Snapchat Filters
Everyone loves to edit and play around with their photos. Using these photo and video apps and making themselves look like they’re living on Pandora, came out of a Disney cartoon and are a reflection in a fun house mirror is the trendy thing nowadays. I don’t get it myself, but the kids all love it!
A word of advice for dating profile photos you use – Don’t use these goofy, childish Snapchat junk on your dating photos!
Yes, they’re very amusing (to some I suppose), but why are you augmenting reality on Bumble of all places? You’re supposed to be presenting yourself to potential suitors. They want to see what the real you looks like, not the Hanna Barbara version.
Forget the wacky lenses, the cartoony eyes, flowers on your head, posting the elderly version of yourself. No one is interested in that – and that’s why you’re here right? To get people interested in meeting you? That’s the reason you’re supposedly on this silly app am I correct? It’s not the place for you to get artistic.
Unless you really do have antlers, cat eyes, whiskers, a dog nose and floating sparkles around your head just leave that nonsense out. No one is dazzled by these childish filters you think are so hysterical other than you and your friends. Leave them on your social media pages where you can all roll around “lol-ing” over them, don’t use them on a dating app.
This has become a personal red flag for me. I immediately get the impression they’re not very serious as to why they’re there and are just using this dating app to show they’re animated albums with even more people than they already have. Plus, I figure if a person thinks it’s hysterical how they look with cartoony glasses, it’s very far removed from my sense of humor and it’s best to give them a swipe left anyway.
The sexy Halloween costume photo
It doesn’t matter the time of year you’re perusing Bumble, you’ll eventually started to see how popular a holiday Halloween is.
Well, maybe woman aren’t so crazy about monster movies and bobbing for apples, but they sure like to dress up in costumes and getting pictures taken of themselves. Halloween costume photos are very popular. In fact, it should have it’s own category on dating sites.
These are not so much to show they like celebrating All Hallows Eve, it’s to show how sexy and attractive they can be when dressed up as a ‘sexy nurse’. Posing in ‘sexy’ themed Halloween costumes is a sly way for woman to circumvent the scarlett letter of posting suggestive photos of themselves wearing sexy attire. It can send the wrong signal if they pose in wet-shirts, corsets, lingerie, sticking their butt to the camera. However, they can still send a sexually charged image and perk up men’s ears by sharing their sexy costume they wore for Halloween.
This covers sharing an image of them looking sexy under the pretense they’re not being too serious about it and it was all for the innocence of celebrating a holiday. But the message is clear – she looks great in a bustier and garters!
Woman have it so easy for Halloween. All they have to do is slap the word ‘Sexy’ in front of anything and instantly have a costume. Sexy Cop, Sexy Firewoman, Sexy Mechanic, Sexy Cowgirl, Sexy Pirate, Sexy Cavegirl, Sexy Teacher, Sexy Meter Maid and on and on.
They don’t have to get too creative to turn heads, and they know it. So naturally, these are good additions to share on dating profiles while also doing it in more of a classy way than just posting a naked bathroom selfie.
This might be a cliché, but there’s nothing annoying about it. I wish all woman would do this! They’re certainly much more effective than those stupid filter photos.
Posing At Machu Piccu
This is one of the strangest constants I’ve discovered with photos on Bumble. Saying you love to travel and visiting new places is a worn out description. It always finds an inclusion somewhere. It’s just standard. Maybe it’s meant to further reinforce that “like to go out” description that preceded it.
Naturally, when on vacation photos are taken and they’re a great source to pick through and share some on your dating profile. You’ll see plenty of the standard photos of people on beaches, in the ocean, in a restaurant, at a bar, at a popular tourist site. And it’s a pretty safe bet that tourist site will be Machu Piccu.
As I was on my Bumble journey I was amazed how many times I would see so many people standing at Machu Piccu. It was quite startling. Once upon a time, Machu Piccu was this remote, secluded place that was miraculously discovered. Today apparently people are visiting it as if it was a Starbucks on the corner.
It’s always the same position people are posed at too. They’re high above looking down at the stone structures with the mountains in the background. I guess that’s the best photo op spot to capture the place. So many people have stood in this spot I wonder if it’s all worn down by tourists posing for photos.
I guess in theory showing to others you traveled to Machu Piccu sends a message you’re adventurous, you’re an explorer, you do indeed like to travel. But with so many people with pictures standing there photos of Machu Piccu have just become the norm. Now I’m surprised when I DON’T SEE a photo of Machu Piccu on a dating profile. It’s got to come in second only to bathroom selfies.
Unfortunately, I have never been there, so I think I might have to use some photoshop and cool filters to make my own Machu Piccu photo. Maybe that will be the hook that will finally lead me to meeting someone who hates to laugh, detests travel and is just looking for melodramatic drama to engage in with a partner in crime.
Oh I can only dream.
There are plenty more dating profile clichés I could go on about, but I think that’s enough for now. Maybe if I stick around on Bumble a bit longer I’ll do a second part to this. Until then, what are you’re biggest pet peeves and annoyances you find on dating profiles?
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