Top Five Things To Do At Westworld


Westworld needs visitors so how exactly would they promote their theme park to tourists?

Westworld HBO TV show town train

I watched the first two episodes of HBO’s new series Westworld, which is based on Michael Crichton’s 1973 sci-fi film. I thought it’s pretty good so far.

It was certainly better than CBS’ MacGyver! That pilot was just painful to sit through. I attempted to give that show another chance with episode two and I only lasted four minutes with it. Bailing on that I gave Westworld a shot and was pleasantly surprised. After the first episode I immediately wanted to watch the second. The show certainly got me intrigued and interested in continuing to watch it and where the story goes.

By the way, one thing that really struck me between MacGyver and Westworld was the dramatic change of quality from a program on CBS was to a show on HBO. A change of quality in every area. It’s really startling. It’s like a different universe of programming between networks and cable.

Anyway, as probably most people know the premise of Westworld is it’s a futuristic old style wild west amusement park of sorts. Visitors arrive and get to play cowboy with robotic Westworld citizens that are programmed to play their roles.

I was wondering if like the movie we’ll ever see Roman and Medieval World. At least give them a mention. I would expect a Yul Brenner reference somewhere in the series at some point.

I started thinking of how they would promote Westworld to tourists. What kind of selling points would they use in their brochures for their theme park. So I came up with five things that maybe the creators of Westworld would use in their marketing.

Want to experience what the Old West was really like? Come to Westworld where you’ll get a firsthand taste of life in the rough and tumble west.

You want to role-play? Westworld has Dungeons & Dragons beat! You want to play a game forcing you to make moral choices? Then forget wasting your time staring at a screen playing a dull video game with hokey controllers!

How about holding an authentic six-shooter replica in your hand! Westworld is more immersive than Pokemon Go even! All the grit, danger, outlaw fun of the Old West – with the added bonus of no risk of ever stepping in horse manure. Wild West City doesn’t hold a candle to us!

Have a classic high noon showdown

Old western shootout showdown middle of streetDoesn’t it aggravate you when some numbskull cuts you off in morning traffic? You just have to grit your teeth, bare it and act like a civilized citizen right? Not so at Westworld!

Here, when some stranger bumps into you, gives you a dirty look or knocks your drink over you can unleash that pent up rage by challenging that cowpoke to a duel!

All the Westworld citizens will gather around to watch the tense scene and worry for your safety. Westworld’s mortician will even get to working on a coffin for you. But no worries, you’re guaranteed to win this match up.

This varmint ain’t got the speed you’re going to demonstrate to the shocked crowd. That uncouth stranger will be pushing up daisies after you unload some lead into him. You’re sure to be treated to some drinks and get your picture taken by the local news man after being triumphant.

It will be more satisfying experience than just having to try to compose yourself in traffic.

Act like a bad guy and rob a bank!

Old West bank robberyWhat worries these magical ATM machines can cause. They’re also so unexciting. You have to tap your code in, stare at a screen, worry about someone swiping your password and keep it moving since there’s an annoying woman behind you who desperately needs to use the machine.

Forget all that! How about making a real withdrawal! Head over to Westworld’s local bank packing some heat and live it up like a true outlaw! At Westworld’s bank all you’ll have to contend with is a nerdy teller, a scared bank manager and some lady customers who’ll let out high-pitched screams once you announce “This is a robbery!”

It will be a rush like you’ve never felt before! And your reward is a sack with big printed dollar sign on it filled with official Westworld cash! The loot is all for you to spend as you wish. If you need assistance you can recruit a sidekick to watch out for the law. Want to shoot off your gun a few times to make sure everyone knows you mean business, sure go ahead! You’re in charge here! And our Westworld staff will gladly assist with authentic old west dialogue for you if you need it.

Make a jail break!

Wild west jail cellBut what if the local sheriff catches up with you and tosses you into one of Westworld’s authentic 18th century dirty cells? Sounds like trouble right? Well, you don’t want to spend your vacation in a crummy cell eating stale bread do you – so just stage a break out!

Our helpful matrons will cook up a delicious looking meal for Westworld’s newest prisoner with the perfect tools for an escape hidden inside it! Chisels, files, hammers, dynamite, whatever you need! The fine innocent looking ladies at Westworld are indispensable allies for your jail break. Or if you’re in hurry, your beautiful ally can just walk in shoot the sheriff and hand you the keys.

Making your break on horseback will be a thrilling scene. You’ll be sure to want to let out some “Yee Hah’s” as you taste your newfound freedom!

Do some gambling and get into a barfight

Wild west saloon WestworldWhat would a visit to the wild west be without walking into Westworld’s local saloon, ordering some whisky (or any drink of your choice) and playing some cards with some of local cheats? You’ll get a feel of the authentic gambling that cowboys would wile away their time with.

But keep a watchful eye. There’s always some underhanded cheat trying to win the pot. Well, you might be new in town, but you’re not about to let some desperado cheat you! Just punch him in the face!

You’ll find yourself in the middle of a rough and tumble fight with bottles and fists flying through the saloon. It will look real, but you’ll be perfectly safe as our Westworld citizens will never harm a visitor. You however can dish out as many punches and kicks as you want on them though! If you’re feeling strong you may even want to toss that swindler out a window!

It’s all good fun. Don’t worry about any damage to property, our Westworld staff will have the saloon cleaned up and fixed for your next visit.

Pay a Visit to Westworld’s Bordello

Walter Brennan western character actorIn the need of some carnal distraction? You’ll find it here! Westworld’s Ladies of the Night will give you an experience that you might want to keep to yourself and not include in the slideshow you show to your friends back home.

No worries about any Westworld prostitute revealing anything that happens behind closed doors – their lips are sealed. Westworld guarantees all the willing ladies memories will be completely wiped upon your departure of Westworld. The only thing that will be left of your experience from the Westworld Bordello are your own sordid memories.

And if you need to ditch the wife and kids for an hour, just pass them off to Westworld’s Walter Brennan replica who’ll keep them entertained with colorful stories and lead them to the outskirts of town to look for gold nuggets.

He won’t tell them what you’re up to.

*Westworld is not responsible for any injuries, deaths or psychological issues to any visitor if they occur.”


1 thought on “Top Five Things To Do At Westworld

  1. It is a good show and the change in direction, away from the guests shown in the movie, towards the hosts, in the the TV show, is a neat idea. It also has the huge benefit of the long-stretch a TV show can bring to character development and plot.

    For me there are some issues but these may be ironed out as the show develops. There is no feeling of isolation and the resort being cut off from quick help. There is little in the way of sympathy for the guest. The reason why the film is great is because Peter Martin is a nice guy. He is you and me. In fact when Peter is pushed by his friend to play the game and do something bad, he inherently feels uncomfortable. So when things go south – we feel for him.

    So far, in the show, almost all the guests are pricks. So, if they got shot by a hosts when the hosts rebel, who cares !. You almost want them to get shot

    The moral ambiguity of self conscience and what classifies as life is fantastic and all credit to the show, but it is hard to assume that with that level of technology, the programmers would not be more conscience of the fact they are dealing with something that can comprehend and think. Most of them would be highly educated programmers / developers, instead on the show most of them come across as idiots

    The acting is so-so. Some fantastic acting from Louis Herthum, the host who played the concerned father. Absolutely blew everyone out of the water and even gave old time veteran, Antony Hopkins a run for the money. But then there is really dodgy acting from Simon Quarterman, a British actor who is a head programmer. At times it was like watching am-dram. The overuse of the word fuck was also unnecessary. Yeah – I get it – its for adults

    The show is a stayer, but if the climax is about the hosts rising up and taking control, than give us something to grab on to in regards the guests

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