June 2016 isn’t looking very appetizing to me. As I was pursuing the upcoming movies of the month not much was jumping out at me. This could be a month where perhaps it will be more worthwhile to catch up on some rentals, DVR a bunch of random programs and catch some ballgames rather than worry about what’s going on at the movie theater.
These are the months I dread writing about upcoming summer movies. The only real reason I bother with crappy months like this and not just skip over them is out of tradition. Internet movie reviewers and movie news sites will be much better covering and selling this stuff to the fans who are looking forward to these flicks. I’m not one of those. I’m just giving you my gut reaction to a trailer without sticking a camera in my face and doing an exaggerated performance.
Oh there are a few movies here that will probably be box office hits and make a lot of money. And I’m sure there are fans who have been waiting for some of these sequels, or even some who will allow themselves to get sucked up into the hype on their opening weekends, but I don’t have much interest in them.
So this is a very boring rundown of some June 2016’s movies, with a brief synopsis (probably an incorrect one) and me ending each by probably saying “I don’t want to see it” in as many different ways as I can think up.
June 3, 2016
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
The four turtle brothers are back in another adventure.
I had zero interest in the first movie and that feeling has carried over to this second one. I don’t care. This would be like the type of movie folks would use as an example of ultimate insipid summer entertainment and question how it manages to make money – no offense to fans of these flicks. I don’t think I would be able to sit through this whole movie. I got bored just watching the trailer. This is simply not my thing.
I thought fans weren’t happy with the first Turtles movie that was produced by Michael Bay, but I guess it was hit and here we go again. And it looks like Megan Fox is still a thing in certain circles. It just looks like a loud, ugly, unfunny movie to me. The only thing I have a mild interest in will be fans ranting about it.
Approaching The Unknown
Mark Strong is traveling to Mars and looks like he has plans of his own. The solitary journey puts a strain on him, things go wrong, he loses his cool and Luke Wilson shouts at him from Earth.
This was a bizarre trailer. I’m not sure what is going on. I like Strong and this could be a riveting one-man showcase for him acting alone in his spaceship. But it looks like it’s on the cheapish side and starts to resemble a knock-off of Gravity or The Martian. It also could turn into one of those movies where it thinks it’s deeper than it really is. I’m really not sure what to make of it.
June 10, 2016
I know nothing of Warcraft. It’s a video game right?
So it’s a fantasy tale with orcs and humans trying to co-exist and battling each other.
The optimistic way I looked at the trailer was, “Hey, maybe it could be something like The Dark Crystal or Lord of the Rings.”
Then the opposing side was, “This looks like CGI, fantasy world over-the-top stuff with nothing else to look at other than effects.” The visuals could be appropriate for the story. Maybe there are even some interesting characters in here. It’s based on a video game (right?), video game movies might have the worst track record of any genre! Sadly for me, the trailer did nothing to entice me to take a chance on it. I’ll probably never watch it. Plus, I read the studios embargo for reviews has been broken by some and the reactions have been very negative. I’ll stick with playing Tetris on my phone.
Now You See Me 2
The miraculous group of magicians known as the Four Horsemen are back (minus the cute Isla Fisher) to do more trippy tricks and steal stuff.
I wasn’t a big fan of the first flick and this sequel (I’m surprised they did a sequel to this actually) looks much the same as the first one did. Nothing from the trailer really got me intrigued about the story. Maybe it will be alright, or better than the first, but I really have zero to little interest in it.
A conversation with film director Brian DePalma.
I’m betting this won’t be making it to very many multiplexes and you’ll have to work pretty hard to see it in a theater. The odds are I’ll be catching it once it hits DVD or streaming. It looks like a very straight-forward doc with simply DePalma talking about filmmaking and most likely discussing his past films. That’s enough for me to want to hear what he has to say.
June 17, 2016
Dwayne Johnson starts as a chubby loser in high school while Kevin Hart is the popular athletic king in the halls. Fast forward twenty years later and Johnson is a CIA agent who gets his old buddy into some serious action with bad guys, explosions, guns and laughs.
Just last month I was writing about Adam Sandler’s new flick The Do-Over. This looks eerily similar.
Johnson has become the new Will Smith. Every summer he comes out with a new movie and every summer audiences flock to it and it becomes a big hit. This will probably keep the trend going. This looks pretty silly to me. One of those loud, shiny comedies, with the music and yelling and silly sight gags. But it’s the perfect type of movie that will earn big bucks. It’s not my thing.
A sequel to the popular Pixar hit Finding Nemo. This time the blue fish Dory takes center stage.
I don’t think I ever saw Finding Nemo. Or maybe I saw bits of it. I can’t really remember. If there was a part when he falls into a toilet bowl then I saw it, if not I don’t have any information about it. I know a lot of people said it was good though.
Kids will probably love this and make it a big hit and will buy a lot of toys. I think kids all love this blue fish. For me this is another one that is not on my radar and I’ll probably never get around to watching. Plus, the idea of having to listen to Ellen DeGeneres for two hours gives it a guaranteed lowest possible spot of animated films I’ll never willingly want to watch.
June 24, 2016
Independence Day: Resurgence
The aliens are coming again thanks to director Roland Emmerich.
I could be mistaken, but wasn’t there a point when Emmerich said he wasn’t going to do anymore big ‘end of the world/special effect spectacle’ movies anymore? I think it came around the time of that caveman movie he did. Maybe I’m wrong, but I could of sworn I heard that promise.
Well, lucky us we’re getting that long-awaited sequel to Independence Day that…I guess some people were waiting for. Arms raised of who was dying for a sequel to that flick? I remember seeing it in the summer of ’96 and once leaving the theater didn’t think of it again. But I guess there was an outcry for a sequel to it. Whatever.
It looks like a lot of the main cast is back – Jeff Goldblum, Judd Hirsch, Bill Pullman, Brent Spiner, Vivica A. Fox. Will Smith is nowhere to be found. That’s one thing that I found funny with this cast – they don’t have the jet pilot guy who saved the world in the first one back, but his stripper wife returns! Huh???
There are some new faces like William Fichtner, Maika Monroe, Liam Hemsworth and one of my favorite gals Sela Ward as the President of the United States.
The human cast will probably be secondary to the big extravagant sparkly alien special effects. You know the routine, cities crumbling, manmade landmarks that will turn into rubble, all that stuff that helps make movie trailers look exciting.
That one ‘landmark’ joke in the trailer Goldblum utters was the sole highlight for me. The rest of this looks so ultra-serious it doesn’t look like a very fun experience laying ahead. They better have a Randy Quaid-type character to lighten things up. As for the special effects, this time things look so CGI busy and muddy with so many spaceships whizzing around the destruction doesn’t even look like any fun or anything new.
This pretty much looks like the same rodeo from 1996. Only this time we have that alien technology to use to fight the invaders and don’t have to rely on just plain old jet fighters for action sequences. It seems like enough time has passed that somehow Independence Day has become some sort of ‘classic’ and I guess audiences will flock to a followup. Plus, mainstream audiences can’t help themselves from being drawn to big cinematic destruction.
I’ll pass. Maybe I’ll catch it on cable just to see President Ward.
Swiss Army Man
Paul Dano is stranded in the wilderness looking like he has no chance to survive and to make his way to back civilization. That is until he happens upon the deceased body of Daniel Radcliffe. They form a living/dead bond and Dano discovers this corpse can come in awfully handy for companionship and to help save his life.
I don’t know what to make of this movie. It looks like someone blended The Revenant and Weekend at Bernie’s. It certainly looks unique. Whether it will turn into a bizarre wonderful movie or a bizarre terrible one is anyones guess
Who says they don’t make westerns anymore?
Liam Hemsworth is sent to an isolated town to look into mysterious murders and disappearances. Once there he meets an ominous man knowns as the Preacher played by Woody Harrelson. It seems the Preacher has a stranglehold on the townsfolk who are willing to do anything he wants. What is going on in this town?
This is another flick I don’t know what to make of. From the trailer I get a Hearts of Darkness-type story set in the west. That sounds like an interesting take on that classic story. I’m a bit apprehensive about Hemsworth in anything. Last I saw him in was Paranoia and there was nothing charismatic about him that made me want to see him ever again. Maybe he’ll be better in a cowboy hat, but I could see him easily get outperformed by his horse.
June 29, 2016
Blake Lively has found herself in quite a pickle. She’s stranded on this rock in the water and can’t get back to dryland. See, there’s this big shark milling around and she looks quite appetizing to him. So she has to try to figure out how to get back to the beach without Mr. Big Teeth from eating her.
It’s all in the execution of it. Phone Booth, 127 Hours, Buried, Lifeboat, Frozen, Dead Calm, Open Water, all movies set in one locale. It depends on the story and talent involved at how much drama and suspense you can pull out of a limited setting.
Inevitably any shark movie is going to have comparisons drawn to Jaws. I doubt it will be that good, but the setup sounds promising and in the right hands I can see it being an entertaining nail-biter. Or maybe it will be a perfect companion piece to the latest Sharknado movie. I’ll take a chance on it…when it hits DVD.
I see you found a pic of Megan Fox prepared for her MENSA meeting.
Wow – it sounds like you will be saving a lot of cinema money this summer.
This year is pretty piss poor (don't we say that every year ?). The only 2 films on this list that appeals to me is Finding Dory (comedy) and the De Palma film (documentary). Cinema now is truly aimed for the Millennials. I suppose the summer has always geared to appeal to the under 30s but I am amazed by what is now getting a green light from some very nervous studios. Not very long ago all we got were sequels from recent films that made it big. Now we are getting sequels of films older than 10 years (Ghostbusters, Independence Day, Finding Nemo). Past hits then are hoping to re-bottle lightening, but Desperate times calls for desperate measures I suppose.
What really irks me are the studio bosses. Hollywood has hundreds of gifted and talented writers. We know this from the quality of television that is being written today. In recent memory I have never encountered a time when almost everything written for TV is excellent, so why is film so stuck in this quagmire of mediocre ?
Maybe we (the people) are to blame. If we keep on paying to see shit, I suppose that is ultimately what we keep on getting.
Only movies I'm looking forward to see this summer are;
The Nice Guys; which I'm seeing next weekend
The Neon Demon: Sorry but I have weakness when it comes to Winding Refn (since Amazon has certain distribution rights I only hope they release this on their Video/Prime website at the same time as a cinema release)
Jason Bourne: The one movie I'm looking forward to seeing this summer.
Barry Lyndon: Yep, Kubrick's costume drama is getting a re-release, always wanted to see this on the big screen.
The only other big blockbuster I do have a mild interest in seeing is Assassin's Creed; Will this finally break the curse on video game to film adaptations? Hope so.